Unforgiven
by Jun-I
Summary: A rising young officer spares not his kin in the name of honor. A peasant boy too, will not waver as he takes up the duty to avenge his family. The stage is set for the clash of two proud people of different class origins. Companion fic to Retribution.
1. The Orphan's Prayer

Unforgiven  
----------------------  
The Orphan's Prayer 

**Notes:**  
- Samurai 7 opens 13 years after the year Genna 1. (Kikuchiyo's genealogy chart lists his birthdate as Genna 1). Historically, the Genna period was preceded by the Keicho period, which lasted 19 years.

- Traditionally, white was the color of mourning for many Asian countries, from India to Japan. Though as Japan accepted Western influence, white became the bridal color (originally red) and black became the funeral color.

- vocab:_ kami_ – god, _buke_ – warrior class

-Values touted as uniquely 'samurai' were actually practiced with equal fervor by non-samurai. Westbrook/Ratti wrote in _Secrets of the Samurai_:

_"In the provinces… the farmer remained a potentially formidable opponent with whom most warriors preferred not to tangle, if at all possible. A traditionalist by nature, he also adopted the stern code of ethics which had inspired the buke, and, steeped as he was in the territorial tradition of the clan, he was particularly influenced by the Confucian ideals of loyalty to father and lord. Fearless peasants of both sexes often set out with impressive determination to avenge a mortal offense to their family or clan. … one of the most popular tales … is the story of Miyagi and Shinobu, who in the 17th century… avenge the murder of their peasant father, slain by a daimyo's kerai."_

- Keeping one's word was also a Confucianist ideal (and an ideal of many other religious and philosophical systems around the world). There is nothing particularly 'samurai' about it. And even Confucius was flexible enough to say that people are not obligated to keep promises made under duress.

* * *

_Keicho Era, Year 18_

The tow-headed peasant boy knelt silently before the two mounds of fresh earth. A sword with a dark brown scabbard and square cross guard was stuck into one of the mounds. The other grave was unadorned. The sword that perhaps should have marked this grave lay across the boy's lap. This one had a dark red scabbard and a round cross guard.

Behind the boy were eight older peasants, some of them weeping. The boy himself did not weep. Slowly and carefully, the red-eyed child placed the sword on his lap down on the ground on his right. Then he silently picked up the lotus leaf package that lay on his left. The young boy unwrapped the leaves carefully and removed two rice balls from the packet. These he placed in front of the two graves, each on its own leaf.

At this moment one of the peasants finally spoke. "My boy, your family is already dead. The food was for you." The farm boy wearing the white cloth of mourning did not acknowledge the speaker. Silently, the fair-headed child re-tied the lotus leaf package and placed it in his traveling bag. With slow deliberateness, he strapped his two training swords to his back and hoisted his bag over his shoulders. Then he picked up the sword with the red scabbard.

The thin child bowed his head to the ground three more times before the two graves. All of his motions had been careful and slow until this moment. Thus, the watching peasants were surprised when the 10-year-old rose to his feet with a sudden resoluteness. With an almost savage quickness, he ripped off the white mourning cloth bound above his brow. As their neighbors' child turned towards them, the peasants saw that his face was no longer the face of a mourner. It was the face of a warrior.

"Thank you for your kindness," the pale child bowed quickly to his neighbors. Then without a backward glance, he was gone, walking swiftly down the country road leading away from Shirase Village.

---

On the sixth night of the seventh month of the eighteenth year of the Keicho era, one would have seen under the moonlight a thin pale boy hurrying through the Gray Forest. His eyes were fixed on Mount Keian in the distance while his lips were moving ever so slightly in a soundless prayer:

_Kami, are You near me?  
Kami, can You hear me?  
Kami, can You see me in the night?_

_How will You punish me?  
Can anyone forgive me?  
Kami, I was weak, I failed to fight_

_In my ears I hear  
A million accusing voices  
Which ones are Yours?_

_Where were You when  
The sword came unbidden  
To our doors?_

_The air is so much colder  
The night is so much darker  
The road is so much longer  
Now that I'm alone_

_I remember things they taught me  
And things I should not have said  
Can the naked blade alone  
Help me to face what lies ahead?_

_Kami, will You hear me?  
Kami, will You help me  
Kami, give me a light  
To guide me through the night_

* * *

Author's Comments:

- The scene in which the mourner bows before the dead, then suddenly rises, rips off the mourning cloth and heads off to seek vengeance is inspired by Fist of Legend, in which Jet Li's character pays his last respects before the altar of his teacher.

-Kyuuzou's prayer inspired by "Papa can you hear me?" from the Yentl soundtrack.


	2. Twisted Destinies

**Notes:**

- This is a companion fic to the Retribution series. This takes place in the context of Chapters 9 and 10. Please read Retribution to get the full context. Kyuzo is adopted, which explains why Shizuka could have a 10 year old child after 9 years.

- The Warring States period in Japanese history lasted generations. 7S was set at the close of that era, if I remember correctly. I am assuming a similar situation of decades of conflict for S7.

- Kanbei probably had a different childhood name as was the practice in the past, taking on his adult name after the coming of age ceremony (which happens in the late teens/early twenties), so Kisshoumaru here is really Kanbei. As for going to war, samurai boys as young as 12 have fought and died in battle, but for this fic, 16 is the enlistment age.

- Mizuho is not Kyuuzou's biological sister. She is his Sensei's older student.

- Samurai 7 opens 13 years after the year Genna 1. (Kikuchiyo's genealogy chart lists his birthdate as Genna 1). Historically, the Genna period was preceded by the Keicho period, which lasted 19 years.

- In the Retribution universe, the Great War was waged between the states allied with the shogun and the states loyal to the emperor. Each state was ruled by a military government (the samurai clan) which maintained its own forces for internal defense. But each clan had to contribute troops to the combined forces. The combined army for the states on the shogun's side is called the Forces of the Allied Provinces, or Allied Forces, for short. Kanbei is in the Allied Forces. The other side is the Confederated Prefectures. In companion fic Wolf Warriors, Mizuho, Ayame and Kyuuzou went straight into the Army of Confederated Prefectures. They were never affiliated with a clan. Their senpai Haruko entered the Confederated Army through her clan, and then brought her 3 kouhai in.

**Vocab: **

_daimyo_ – prefect or provincial governor, literally "great name"

_chonin_ – townsperson (part of merchant class)

_ne _– older sister

**Warnings:** some violence, semi-graphic death of OC

* * *

_Keicho Era, Year 1_

"Will you come back to play with me?" the dark boy asked as he stood in the doorway of his cousin's chamber. His father's brother's daughter did not answer as she strapped her twin swords across her back. Kisshoumaru fixed his gaze on the two dark red scabbards slung across the wide shoulders of the tall maiden. To a child, Shizuka's strong shoulders looked as if they could bear the weight of the world. He wondered if he would ever grow to be a warrior of her stature.

His cousin looked almost like a stranger in the uniform of the Forces of the Allied Provinces. Much as he tried, the eight year old could never remember exactly which states were on the same side of his daimyo, and which were not. Most of the Western states were, and some of the Northern and Southern ones, if he remembered correctly. But alliances shifted now and then. Kisshoumaru also did not quite understand the difference between 'prefectures' and 'provinces'. His father told him there was really not much of a difference, except the states that were allied with the shogun called themselves 'provinces' while those loyal to the emperor called themselves 'prefectures'.

"Promise you'll come back?" the dark-eyed child asked the woman once more. The samurai with wavy dark hair like his own turned and looked him in the eye. "I have never lied to you, Kisshoumaru. A soldier's fate is not her own to decide. By the time I return for good, you will probably be too old to play."

He followed the warrior maiden to the stable wordlessly. Kisshoumaru watched silently as the samurai woman mounted the fast turtle and galloped out of the wide gates of the Shimada estate. The dark woman was a masterful equestrian, with the training that befitted a member of a high-ranking samurai family. "Will she return?" He wondered as he gazed after the departing figure of a skillful rider. The war had been going on and off for decades. Perhaps Shizuka would not return. Perhaps Kisshoumaru would be the one to go to her, when it came time for him to take up arms and fight as a man.

---

_Keicho Era, Year 8…_

Kisshoumaru wondered why everything had to happen that way. His cousin was a legend. He heard great tales about her after she went to fight in the Great War. She was someone he wanted to grow up to be. Not anymore. How could a great samurai suddenly turn her back on clan and family and leave without a word, in the middle of a war, like a dishonorable deserter with no accountability? It was not the warrior way, to abandon a duty before it was done.

They said she disappeared from the military. The news came like a bolt out of the blue. At first Kisshoumaru did not believe it. It was impossible. Her career was rising. Everything was going well. But as the weeks dragged into months, the truth sank in. The warrior who had once made the Shimada name proud was now its shame. Kisshoumaru heard rumors that she was a traitor, that she fled with a samurai from the other side, a woman from the Army of the Confederated Prefectures. It was said that they were friends from long ago and did not want to kill each other. Then that other samurai was a traitor too, to her clan. Kisshoumaru had never met that enemy soldier. They said that soldier's family used to live here, in his hometown. They were sojourners from a northern province. Then they moved back to where they came from. But that was many years ago, probably before he had even learnt to hold a sword.

The young samurai could not understand why this had to happen. The next year, he entered the armed services as a soldier, to do the duties of a man. He imagined that he would replace Shizuka, and he would undo the dishonor she had done.

---

_Keicho Era, Year 18…_

Kisshoumaru had come of age and taken the name of Kanbei. There were still hurtful whispers about his family, though not as often as before. Now that the news came that the missing Shimada woman had been seen in a remote village in the northwestern sector of the southern province of Yoshin, the gossip had flared up again. By now, the old rumors no longer mattered to Kanbei. All that mattered was his lord's order. The young samurai had a duty to do. Honor to restore. Still, the young soldier wondered why he had to be the chosen one. Was it a test for him? To see if he would turn away from his duty because of human attachments, like Shizuka did? But his father said he was chosen because Kanbei was the only samurai in the clan who had the potential to defeat the peerless Shizuka.

At the age of 25, the stellar young officer had surpassed his cousin's physical stature. Standing at a height of six feet and two inches, Kanbei was two inches taller than Shizuka. And perhaps he had surpassed her in skill too. He would know soon enough.

--

When the brown-skinned eight year old watched the tall maiden leave for the war 17 years ago, he would never have guessed that their reunion would be like this. Heaven and earth spun around him in the remote farm house where four of his own soldiers and the two former samurai who called themselves 'conscientious objectors' lay dead at his feet.

"Conscientious objector?" Shimada Kanbei felt like hitting whoever invented that term. Probably some idle chonin from some corrupt big city like Kougakyo who spent too much time in university and had nothing better to do after eating his/her fill of rice. How in the world did a samurai let such garbage get into her head?

The young soldier felt sick to the core but it was not because of the blood dripping copiously from his gaping wound. A thousand nameless emotions ran through the young man's soul, but no, a samurai who did his duty should not entertain such worthless feelings. The proud young commander chided himself for his 'immaturity' and 'false guilt'. Yet even then, he could feel the burning, accusing gaze of an unseen being fixed on him. Were gods and demons watching? What judgment would they pass on the affairs of humans?

Just for one moment, Kanbei wished he was the one who died. Then he pushed the thought away.

---

The news spread about town that Shimada Kanbei had returned to the clan, his mission successfully accomplished. Rather impassively, the young man set before the daimyo a dark lacquer box containing the head of a woman and a severed brown hand with a 6-petal flower tattoo like his own. Then the kneeling samurai offered up a sword with both hands. This katana had a round cross guard and a dark red scabbard.

"Where is the second sword?" the provincial governor asked.

"Forgive me, my lord," The dark samurai touched his head to the floor deferentially, "She did not have it with her."

The lord was not pleased that four samurai had to die over one traitor, but he did expect that two former samurai would not give up their lives without resistance. They may have chosen to live as peasants, but in their hearts, they were still warriors.

Still, the goal had been achieved. An example had to be made of a samurai who fled her duties or more samurai would do the same.

"You have done your duty faithfully." The military governor said. "Rest assured your kinswoman's crime will not be held against your family."

"Thank you, my lord," the young samurai bowed his head to the ground once more. The daimyo was expecting the officer to retreat respectfully out of the room now that his audience was over, but Kanbei remained prostrate before him.

"Do you have anything further to add to your report?" the governor gave him a questioning look.

The young officer spoke without raising his eyes to the lord, "If my lord would allow it, could the sword be returned to the keeping of my uncle and aunt?"

The governor paused for a moment, then he said, "Take it, and go."

"Thank you, my lord." Kanbei touched his head to the ground once more. He silently picked up the red scabbard and retreated deferentially out of the daimyo's office.

--

_Keicho Era, Year 19_

In the women's dojo on Mount Keian, two young maidens lay asleep in a small room. Ayame was dreaming of eating powdered peanut cakes with her parents in their city apartment when her pleasant dream was interrupted by the shrill screams of a child. Instantly, the sleeper's golden eyes flew open and she seized the swords she kept next to her pillow. As the dark girl sat up in bed, she saw Mizuho already lighting the oil lamp. "Go back to sleep," the green-eyed woman said to the younger girl. "I think it is just Kyuu-chan having a nightmare. I'll go see that all is well."

Ayame laid her swords down as Mizuho rose quietly and walked over to the opposite room. Still, the dark-haired girl kept her eyes open for a little longer, wondering what kind of dream would bring a sound of such stark terror to the lips of the boy who usually bore all pain with silent fortitude.

---

In that vivid vision, Kyuuzou wondered if his mother's heart was really in the duel, if she truly was trying to kill that samurai. Or did she let him kill her? He thought she had won when she slashed the young commander across the chest but the next moment, there was a quick flash of the samurai's blade, and the sound of Mother's blood splattering the wall.

Many months ago, Kyuuzou was utterly silent when he watched the brown-skinned woman's fresh blood run down the wall of his aunt's room, joining the pool of redness in which another dark woman lay. But in his dream, a cry of horror escaped his lips. That was how the dark samurai discovered his presence. The slayer threw open the closet door. Kyuuzou screamed again and again as the dark-haired man seized him...

"Wake up! Kyuu-chan! It's me!" a firm, calm voice cut through the madness of his dreamscape. The eleven year old opened his scarlet eyes and found a dark oval face looking down at him. For a moment he thought it was Mother's face, then as his eyes came into focus, he saw it was Mizuho. Of course it could not have been Mother. What was he thinking? She was gone.

"Are you well?" Second Sister asked as Kyuuzou sat up in bed. It was then the boy realized that he must have cried aloud in his sleep and woken the rest of the dojo. He hung his head, ashamed. "I'm sorry, ne-san" he mumbled. "It was just a dream. I am fine." Why was it that in his dreams, he could never will away the things he did not want to feel?

"It's all right." Mizuho said kindly to him. "Have no fear, you're safe here. Go back to sleep." The fair-headed child nodded obediently as he lay back down on the sleeping mat. But the maiden saw that the child's grimly set jaw was still trembling. She took one of Kyuuzou's small hands. It was cold and sweaty. "Would you like me to stay until you've fallen asleep?" The green-haired woman asked.

The pale boy nodded. Mizuho rubbed his cold hands and sang a slow soft song in the dialect of her western province. The child's breathing calmed slightly as he closed his eyes once more, but he could not think of happy things. He could only think of the curses he would like to place on that dark man who haunted his dreams. And the vengeance he would wreak if he should one day find him. But first, he had to learn to be a stronger fighter than that samurai.

--

Kanbei had defeated a legend. That made the young officer something of a legend himself. But the excited talk and admiring glances from his comrades did not seem to bring joy to him. Soon after, the young officer pierced his ears, started keeping a beard and grew his hair long, much longer than he had ever kept it in his youth. It was almost as if he wanted to change himself into another man.

* * *

Author's comments:

- Kanbei had to retreat out of the daimyo's presence because it was impolite to show one's back to a superior. One should walk backwards for an appropriate distance before turning to leave.

- Universities are probably not out of place on whatever planet S7 is happening on. On Earth, universities already existed in the old days. Of course, departments of study tend to differ somewhat from modern universities. Medieval Europe and medieval Africa had their universities; three campuses in Timbuktu, Mali alone. And there were even older universities in Asia. The oldest university in the world is Takshashila University in India. (around 700 BCE) Nalanda University, also in India, was a famous 5th century Buddhist university which attracted foreign students such as the famous Tang Sanzang from China, the historical personality on which Sanzou (Japanese pronunciation of 'Sanzang') of Saiyuki is loosely based. (The real life Sanzang, in all likelihood, is NOT a gun-totin' blond. ;-)

- As for the idea of Kanbei changing his appearance to break with the past, I got from a radio program on the famous author (can't remember the name, I'm ashamed to say. I think he was the reporter who covered the My Lai tragedy) who wrote a book on the Iraq War. He mentioned that one of the soldiers involved in the Abu Ghraib scandal came back home and started changing her associations (dissolved her marriage) and her appearance (covered her whole body with tattoos). It was as if "she wanted to change her skin," the author said.


	3. Crimson Blindness

Crimson Blindness  
----------------------  
Author: Jun-I 

Synopsis: A senpai plans to give little Kyuuzou a pleasant surprise. But does the silent child even have the capacity to appreciate it?

Notes:  
-This fits in the Retribution/Happy Endings/Wolf Warriors timeline before Wolf Warriors.  
-Ayame is not Kyuuzou's biological sister. She is his senpai (Sensei's older student). -For the background of the Kyuuzou-Ayame relationship (NO romantic interest), see Retribution Chapters 6, 8 and 16.

Vocab:_ ne-san_ : older sister, _senpai:_ senior

* * *

Ever since Kyuuzou came to live with Sensei, the child barely smiled. Except at the moments he wanted to convey obliging submissiveness to his teacher and seniors – but those were not true smiles.

Ayame felt vaguely guilty. The child had not had a smooth life, and her cruelties only added to his pain, she now realized. Now she wanted to redeem herself, if such a thing was even possible. So one day, when the two young students of Aikawa Sensei were finished with training and done with their chores, Ayame said to Kyuuzou, "Come with me. I want to show you something."

The 11-year-old obediently followed Third Sister. She led the way to the stable and un-tethered the fast turtle. Then Ayame said, "Hop on board!"

"Ne-san, may I ask what it is you intend to show me?" Kyuuzou asked in puzzlement. "Is it far away?"

"It is not too far away. We'll be back before the day is over," the dark-haired girl said reassuringly as she mounted the fast turtle. "Come on!"

The 14-year-old reached down to the younger child and hauled him onto the fast turtle. Kyuuzou fidgeted slightly as he settled himself on the beast's back behind his senpai.

"Oh, before I forget," Ayame said. "Tie this around your eyes." She reached over her shoulder and passed Kyuuzou a long strip of cloth.

Kyuuzou looked at the blindfold apprehensively. Although Third Sister had not been mean to him again since that day, Kyuuzou still did not trust Ayame unreservedly. Was she planning to take him somewhere and get rid of him? He did not think so, but still…

"Ayame senpai, may I be so bold as to ask why…?" the crimson eyed boy spoke tentatively.

"Because what I want to show you is a surprise." The topaz-eyed girl replied, "You'll see why. Just do as I say."

The blond child complied. Ayame glanced back to make sure the blindfold had been securely fastened, then she said, "Hold on, we're off!"

The thin boy put his arms around the bigger child's waist as Ayame dug her heels into the fast turtle. The beast trotted out of the stable. They rode on and on for goodness knows how long.

Kyuuzou could tell the turtle was going down the mountain path by the jerky motion of their descent. Then Ayame set the animal at a gallop. They must be on flat terrain now. Sitting behind Third Sister, the child was not very comfortable. The beads his senior wore in her hair were hitting him whenever the turtle lurched forward. Kyuuzou laid his forehead against Ayame's back to avoid being whipped in the face by her flying dreadlocks.

On and on they went. The skinny child could smell the scent of the pine trees. They must be moving through a forest. Kyuuzou's bottom was starting to hurt from being bumped against the saddle. Just as the 11-year-old was wondering how much further they had to go, the fast turtle came to a stop in a place where the birds were singing. Ayame dismounted and carefully helped Kyuuzou down. She took his hand and led him forward.

The blindfolded Kyuuzou stepped forward cautiously, but Ayame chose a good path. She did not even let him stub his toe against a stone.

"There are flowers in front of us." The younger child said suddenly. The golden-eyed girl turned around to make sure Kyuuzou had not yet removed his blindfold. She was relieved to see that the cloth was still in place.

"I can smell them," the pale boy stated. There was the vaguest hint of a smile playing about his lips. Indeed, the air was full of the fragrance of a thousand blossoms. Ayame was pleased.

"Where are we?" Kyuuzou wondered to himself. "A valley meadow?"

Now Third Sister put a hand on his shoulder and firmly steered him forward.

---

Ayame guided the smaller child towards the middle of the meadow where the blooms were the thickest and the most rich in color. Kyuuzou allowed his small hands to trail over the tops of the wildflowers, feeling the delicious smoothness of the petals.

"All right, you can open your eyes now!" the dark girl finally said as they came to a halt.

Kyuuzou pulled off his blindfold. He opened his crimson eyes and stared. There were flowers blooming thickly all around him, spreading across the meadow for almost as far as the eye can see. Flowers in many shapes and sizes. It was a magnificent, breathtaking sight!

"Look at the colors!" Third Sister exclaimed with a triumphant flourish of her hand. "The reds, the pinks, the whites, the yellows, the oranges, the blues and the purples! Oh, what a blaze of glory! Is there such a sight under heaven?" The sturdy girl grinned broadly as she turned towards him.

Kyuuzou did not answer her. He was once able to see all hues, but now everything look red to him – tints, mutes, shades and tones of red. The boy could only guess at the colors of the flowers. He could guess very well indeed, but all Kyuuzou truly saw was red. Red - the color of blood so readily spilled on the floor when the soldiers came to his family's farmhouse. His vision had been colored by crimson lenses ever since the day his old world died. The day his childhood was murdered by that dark samurai.

The pale child shut the memory away as he silently gazed around this strange place that the sword had not touched.

Ayame looked at the silent Kyuuzou questioningly. This was not quite the response she wanted. The 14-year-old was not expecting the somewhat reserved child to gush effusively, but she thought he would be moved at least a little by such beauty. But Kyuuzou did not even crack a smile.

Kyuuzou did not want to disappoint Third Sister, so he finally turned to her and said, "This is very beautiful! I like it! Thank you very much!" He gave her a slow, small smile.

"You're welcome!" The girl nodded happily. But she had a vague feeling that something was not quite right even as she watched the younger child bend down to pick flowers. There was something marring the joy of what could have been a perfect moment. Ayame could not guess what it was.

* * *

Author's Notes:

- For what happened in Kyuuzou's past before he went to his Sensei's, see Retribution Chapters 9 and 10.

-Inspirations for this chapter: -A scene from the film Red Sorghum, in which the peasant child develops a red vision after he saw his mother arbitrarily shot down by enemy soldiers while delivering food to her husband in the field.  
-A scene from the movie House of Flying Daggers, in which the supposedly blind character played by Zhang Ziyi wanders through a field of wildflowers.


	4. Unforgiven

Unforgiven

----------------  
Author: Jun-I

Companion fic to Retribution/Crimson Blindness. Kyuuzou first person.

* * *

The dark warrior appeared  
In an unforeseen hour  
Speaking proud words  
Of a soldier's honor

He spoke of unbending duty  
Of things I could not understand  
He brought blood to a child's hands  
Brought his sword to an untouched land

In the name of the strange thing  
He called 'honor'  
He painted my world  
A single color

The color of blood so red  
So readily spilled  
In that forgotten place  
Where my childhood lay dead

I cannot stem pain  
But I never cried  
He had slain everything  
Except my pride

I know not his name  
Or whence he came  
Without hope for vengeance  
I have no release from shame

Is 'honor' without pity  
So cold, so unbending  
That he cannot stay from killing  
Those who wish no harm?

Then let my curse follow him  
Even if I can never find him  
May 'honor' be a trap to him  
Be his downfall, his doom

Let him find no peace outside war  
Feel no life in living  
May the one he loves hate him  
I curse him, for I am not forgiving

If we meet again  
I will require at his hand  
Recompense for all the years  
Of tears I never cried

Then will I have my peace  
Gain my blessed release  
From the shame of the past  
Then perhaps at long last

My world will be red no more


End file.
